mood jittery for no reason
listening to Domingo A Noite by Luiz Bonfa
I am the oddball.
listening to bossanova gives me a bizarre sense of nostalgia, it's almost surreal, and I could almost swear that in a whirlwind of that 2 minutes 4 seconds, I float back into the past and stayed there for a while. Perhaps it is because the first few months of my dating days were practically dripping and drizzling with bossanova songs playing on laptops at SDE, and i miss them so.
anyways, was talking to K on the phone last night for an hour, and it was all nice and warm. I really really miss JC times, but oh well we have all grown up and the topics in discussion now is no longer A levels and sucky tutors but getting married and living with in-laws, something we obviously cannot discuss with our boyfriends for fear that they start sending SOS signals and flee for their lives. it was so funny!
on to a damn random note, I woke up this morning thinking about rudy, and was hit with a strange kind of feeling (or rather, acknowledgement) about long distance relationship. It feels like everything is on hold. I realised that at the back of my mind I had an almost subconscious kind of mentality that perpetually says just wait til he comes back. When i have a mighty piece of issue regarding something or the other that i want to yak about, not necessarily concerning the relationship, i unconsciously chant in my mind, just see how when he comes back.
cos if not then how! long distance calls are so expensive (from my side at least), and smses are just ridiculously exorbitant (from his side). AU$0.35 per sms. beat that! So we try to compromise, he'll make the calls, since international calls are so cheap in australia, and he cut down on the smses. cos it's simply not sustainable paying AU$0.35/sms. Imagine 5 sms a day. That's like SGD$2.10/day and SGD$63 a month. Bollocks! On sms only.
what the hell... these handphone lines providers simply love making lives difficult for those with a partner living on the other end of universe, no? they really dig that to the power of one hundred. but even with all the compromise, it doesnt quite work, because everything gets too controlled. And everytime i receive his sms, i feel so pained knowing how much money he's spending. It's so difficult.
so literally every fibre of my being is in waiting. And this makes me realise that at present, I am not really living. just waiting.
and its not really good, aint it? hmm.
wokie, off to lab!
P/S: will you buy a 2nd hand, 1 year old, condition 8/10, 512MB ipod shuffle, if it is $50? (U/P: $128)? :)