Complicatedly simple, or simply complicated?

Thursday, September 28, 2006

mood healthy

Why, hello.

Ok for those of you who have been tuning in expecting to see me blog miserably about how i flunked my detox program, BIG FAT HAIRY HOPE! Today is the third and last day of my fruits menu and i feel so damn healthy. kl lasted one day, kko a little better at one and a half. girls, you have been good sports.

Yesterday's menu:
-Breakfast: 1 banana + 1 apple + 5 cherry tomatoes
-Lunch: 1 apple + 10 grapes
-Dinner: 1 banana + 1 dragonfruit + 10 grapes

i think i had a whole lotta watermelon too. cant remember if it was yesterday or the day before.

Today's menu:
Breakfast: 1 banana + 1 dragonfruit
Lunch: 1/2 small papaya

I guess i didn't load up enough on the fruits cos I still get slight hunger pangs. and at one point of time i couldn't do my report properly because i think my brain was crying for glucose and i started hallucinating about chicken naan and french fries with lots of mayonnaise. Didn't help that L came back from malacca with egg tarts and offered me some, which i regrettably had to refuse. urgh the determination! But all is well.. and i'm just enjoying this skinny feeling for a few more days.

Dr. P. cancelled out on me again today, which in a way is fabulous cos i get to stay in hall and nua. yayness!

posted at 2:52 PM by Felice

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

mood tired
listening to Fly Me To The Moon - smooth jazz album

Maybe i'm just bored...

... hence this post numero trois in a single day.

Lab ended early today, thanks to my funky professor who earnestly said that he can run the samples through the HPLC column for me and ask me to go shopping or something while he is at it. because it will take me a few years really to completely figure out how to use the machine.

It was a small lab with a few honours student doing their final year project. Quite cosy and there was music blasting at the background. occasionally some R&B song whose lyrics goes something like "i'm hotter than yo momma" and this Dr. P. was just humming along to it in a very funny oaf-ish kind of groove. then while he was explaining some scientific stuff to me, he suddenly paused a little and did a little jiggy to the music. i wanted to flip. HAHA.

it was a very funny session peppered with broken chinese (but applaudable nonetheless)
"the cells quan bu shi diao le" (the cells have all died)

and a "DARN IT! i made a boo-boo" exclaimed with much gusto, when he screwed up the HPLC machine.

maybe i should consider doing honours. just for the entertainment.

now excuse me while i go and laugh.


posted at 4:13 PM by Felice

mood HUNGRY!

I miss potatoes.

I crawled out of bed at 10am today and had the first part of my detox diet (see previous post) before heading off to lab. Dr. P. is off having his vegetarian lunch now and i've been waiting for an hour already. what's taking him so long, man, did he have to harvest his own organic veg or something? so left to my own devices in the very geek-congested lab, i resorted to blogging.

I am so very hungry and the lack of carbo is making me rather woozy and cranky but i shall persevere, for the better life of my liver.

The past few days of holidays has made me realise that i really love my own company. I can spend forever in my own room, surrounded by my own stuff, contemplating about things, pondering over thoughts and not get bored. Maybe that's why i am such a bad company to others because most of the times i am with people i just cant wait for the end of it so that i can go back and spend some more time with myself.


ok Dr. P is done. ciao.

posted at 12:30 PM by Felice

mood optimistic

Detox Day 1

- 1 small fuji apple
- 10 grapes
- 5 cherry tomatoes (mighty sour. bahh)

stay tuned! :D

posted at 10:36 AM by Felice

mood pukish

lactose is my new enemy.

Today denyse, kl and I had a little shopping thingymagy at JB, which stems from the dissatisfaction of having to postpone our BKK trip by a month. I think we were just itching to travel somewhere. even if it is just across the causeway.

'Twas all good, didn't see that many things i liked so only came back with a pair of hollister beach shorts and H&M undies. plus a small pile of fruits from cold storage on the way back. yes you read that right. fruits. It all started with an innocent discussion about detoxing with my mum, which then got a little bit more serious and ended up with me successfully spreading the detoxing bug to my mum, bro, sis, plus keiko and kl. so proud of myself :)

gonna start tomorrow! sha la la la la.

basically detoxing is cleaning your body system of accumulated toxins, which involves 3 days of eating purely fruits and water, and a final 4th day of then slowly re-introducing carbo, lipids and proteins so as to prevent tummy upsets from the abrupt changes in diet. Detoxing is good once in a while, and it is supposed to give you great bowel movements and smooth complexion too. No processed food may be consumed during the detoxing period, so obviously caffein and cigs are a out of question. *ehem* haha.

detoxing is recommended once every 6 months i think.


anyway, today i realised that i am lactose intolerant. shock shock horror horror.

denyse has insisted that she claim credit for this magnificent discovery, which i shall graciously bestow upon her. haha. To cut the long story short, we had malaysian starbucks' caramel frappuchino this afternoon and we came up with a hypothesis that malaysian milk doesnt have added lactase cos after that innocent cuppa coffee our stomaches kinda started churning and we each had 2 visits to the loo thereafter. For the whole day now i have been having a lot of wind in my stomach and i feel so lousy :(

do you know that 90% of asians are lactose intolerant? i always thought that they are the minority.

It's 2am now and apparently there's still plenty of action going on in my stomach. all the nice bacteria and enzymes molecules in my stomach are probably doing some really heavy-duty salsa shaking and ballroom dancing cos i feel like puking so bad. urrggg.
keiko gave me some peptic ulcer & hyperacidity pills just now and i am still anxiously anticipating this churning to go down. need some lovin' now cos i'm feeling damn unwell, not to mention super unproductive for 3 days in a row :(

posted at 1:58 AM by Felice

Saturday, September 23, 2006

mood agitated

I want a portable shell home i can carry all around

I think i am really obsessed with this minimalistic living thing. It's been on my mind for a few weeks already and it all started with me successfully selling some of my clothes online. Now i just want to get rid of EVERYTHING. roughly a week ago, an exasperated keiko would periodically walk into my room to find clothes strewn all over my bed together with a bigass long ruler (for measurements) and she would know i have been putting up more stuff to sell.

And then it was buaya week, where -yay- i could get rid of some stuffed toys from gift exchange or whatsoever which i never found any use for. man, it felt damn shiok to get rid of those.

maybe it is cos i know what kind of shit is awaiting me at the end of this year, when i need to pack 7 years' worth of stuff compact enough so that i could put it safely somewhere, maybe my auntie's place, while i go to brisbane, without having people gasp at how much junk i have.

And then now, i am digging through my music folder and deleting songs from thirteen generations ago. like.. celine dion. *shudders*

this is madness. it's like, the more things i've gotten rid of, the more i want to dump. minimalistic living. way to go!

and then when i go to bangkok next month i am gonna bring back one more mountain of clothes to sort. so err actually whats the point right...........

posted at 10:24 PM by Felice

Thursday, September 21, 2006

mood funny

Ok this is totally random...

... but i received an email from rudy today and the gist of it (with slight mush excluded) reads something like this:

Hello yang,

Sorry last night i was in office rushing for work.
I woke up v late this morning cos i only slept at 5 this morning. I'm leaving for the airport now.
Having a meeting with one architect tonight in port moresby.

Take care and talk to u soon!


Eeeps.. maybe it is just me but a somewhat surreal feeling came over me cos it seemed like a very grown up email to write. what with rushing for work and meeting architects at some obscure corner of the world and building houses??

are we still in our early twenties? *age check*

posted at 1:32 PM by Felice

sometimes i amaze myself.

why am i still so nice to people who treat me like dirt?


posted at 1:13 PM by Felice

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

mood sian

I want my bangkok trip!

Today is probably the only day in my whole life that i was so glued to channelnewsasia and for once am able to proudly say that I am in touch with current world affairs. why? because kl, denyse and I are scheduled to fly to bangkok this friday and the Thai military has to bloody choose this week to stage a coup d'etat. OF ALL WEEKS. not as if the earth is going to stop revolving around the sun, if they can just suppress their political dissatisfaction for another week. you wont get constipation right. why cannot do it next week?? spoil my travel plans, man. seriously.

This year is such an inauspicious year for me to travel, man. Not that i believe in superstitions or movement of the stars, but how suay can i get, tell me. Still remember all the drama that happened just the very day before i was scheduled to fly to melbourne. For the sake of the ignorant, my auntie's condition got unpredictably worse that day and i almost didn't make it to oz. But i went ahead with it in the end because the ticket could not be changed, and the tickets we bought were only valid for 2-to-travel. i.e. any changes i made would have affected my travel buddy's travel arrangements as well. the rest is history.

and now this.

i'm so tired and my head feels like a rock resting on my shoulders. Life in singapore is making me so jaded, but then everytime i remember, i feel so blessed :)
i'm so thankful beyond words that come december i will be packing my bags with half a year's worth of summer and autumn clothings, and then i can eat my favourite arnold's farm muesli, drink australian milk everyday and rub shoulders with angmohs on the tram, off to the land where summer days are long and dogs can sit in the train. And then in may i will be basking in the cool autumn breeze, watching the trees shedding leaves, awaiting the first signs of winter with no snow, and seeing the person i love everyday.
looking forward to the trip really keeps me sane. but like always, i am learning to handle things in my stride and with no expectations whatsoever. It is always better to be pleasantly surprised than to be smacked on the face with outright disappointment. cos isnt it true that it is inherent in humans to always expect and hope for the best possible outcome?

And if expectation = perfection and nothing is perfect then expectation can never be perfect :)

ok i am talking rubbish plus not listening in lecture.



posted at 7:40 PM by Felice

Sunday, September 17, 2006

mood full of spaghetti bolognaise

Listening to the weather by Bic Runga

So I'm listening for the weather to predict the coming day
Leave all thought of expectation to the weather man
No it doesn't really matter what it is he has to say
'Cause tomorrows keep on blowing in from somewhere

All the people that I know in the apartments down below
Busy with their starring roles in their own tragedies

Sunlight sends you on your way
And those restless thoughts that cling to yesterday
Never be afraid of change
I'll call you on the phone
I hate to leave you on your own
But I'm coming home today

And this busy inner city
Has got nothing much to say
And I know how much you're hanging round the letterbox
And I'm sure that as I'm writing
You'll be somewhere on your way
In a supermarket checkout or the restaurant

I've been doing what I'm told
I've been busy growing old
And the days are getting cold but that's alright with me

Sunlight sends you on your way
And those restless thoughts that cling to yesterday
Never be afraid of change
I'll call you on the phone
I hate to leave you on your own
But I'm coming home today
Yes I'm coming home today

I've been doing what I'm told
I've been busy growing old
And the days are getting cold but that's alright with me

Sunlight sends you on your way
And those restless thoughts that cling to yesterday
Never be afraid of change


This song makes me smile :)

posted at 3:52 PM by Felice

Saturday, September 16, 2006

mood amused

I can see you and you don't know it.

I am jolly well aware that i seem to be running around you in circles but i just don't understand. I'm so tempted to just press the Ctrl + X, blank out a whole lot of memories we used to share, and Ctrl + V them at the recycle bin. Refresh, and tada, spare me all the bewilderment of ever having to try figuring out what goes through your mind.

It is so funny how i am always able to see the things i am not meant to see, hear things you dont want me to hear, and know things i would be better off not knowing. You probably find comfort in thinking that i don't know, that i stand at the outskirts of your life receiving table scraps of information. but guess what? i know.

Why am i even attempting to be nice? seriously, why do i have to put on this mask just for the sake of being nice? I think the limit has officially been reached. When you say you miss me, i cannot believe it in the slightest bit, because i am so used to being lied to.

good bye.

posted at 1:23 PM by Felice

Friday, September 15, 2006

Lazy Morrrninngggg....

This morning i woke up feeling blessed all over :)

Maybe it's the rain, oh how i love rainy days.. anyway rudy left for papua new guinea this morning to do some conceptual planning for brother wahyu. He is pretty excited about it, and so am i! what a great opportunity God has created :)

anyways, skipped food safety lecture this morning. the weather is just too tempting. Die.. i think if i live in 4-seasonal countries i will probably end up skipping a whole winter's worth of lessons.

posted at 12:19 PM by Felice

Thursday, September 14, 2006

mood pensive

All on my own.

I am so detached from hall it is amazing. I just read someone's blog, and splattered all across the computer screen were names that sound familiar, faces i used to see everyday, and in my mind i could almost hear them say my name. Could picture their lives unfolding on my 14" screen.
But reading about their lives, their relationships, their everything, i could identify with none of them. at all! It is as though they live in another dimension, another time. Somewhere along the way, by some force greater than self, we reached a fork on the road, and we said a silent bye.

People forget, and people move on.

that day J told me, "ya how come ah, you are always so solitary, no clique one!"

and somehow i felt a tiny surge of pride from some unknown sources. because really, what is wrong with being solitary? at least i wont live at the mercy of people's attention. i wont have my emotional wellbeing laid on the line, jeopardised by the sheer transience of people's affection.

but it just feels so strange. I am in another world.

I feel indescribable. Like wanting to go bungee-jumping to let something out of my system. :D

posted at 2:20 AM by Felice

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

mood baffled

Growing old part I

Dear All Students

Schedule for the submission of the "Lecture notes/journal" is as follows.

Due: 11th October 2006 (Wed) 2:00PM SHARP
Venue: Department Office (Department of Architecture)

Although the due and venue coincide with that of Group Submission, please make sure to locate your notes/journal and Group paper separatelly. Also, make sure that the Lecture notes/journal should be your "original" -- the copied version (either by machine or by hand) is not acceptable.


Did you read OCTOBER?

I stupidly rushed through the journal and handed it in today. which is 11th SEPTEMBER.

*tears off a chunk of hair*

the module coordinator had to give me a ring and bring me back to earth. Apparently i had hopped onto a giant gas balloon and flown off to october before anyone else had. I'm not too sure if she was amused.


posted at 4:03 PM by Felice

Monday, September 11, 2006

mood blessed :)
listening to Honest Goodbye Bic Runga

Back but not with a bang.

ok. so i am blogging now because of the vengeance requests of miss foo which were manifested in my flooded tagboard. She is blackmailing me with the one incident where i was so zonked i pigged without showering.


My mind is in quite a blank nowadays. Keerling finally burnt me a copy of the photos we took in melbourne, and looking at them makes me have the urge to pack myself into a junkboat and sail to melbourne now. as in now now NOW!

our first tram ride. looking smug with our tram tickets.

keerling the bag lady

monkeying around with silly hats at Myer's

expensive chinese food at chinatown + looking fat in layers of winter clothes

botak trees and grey winter sky! so niceeee :(

Lonsdale street. or was it Bourke? Swanston?

May, come quickly :(

life is just whizzing past me now. Probably part of it has got to do with me being in year 3. It just feels wrong.. I am not supposed to be so old, damn it! so while sitting here on the fence bordering undergraduate years and working life, shaking my legs, i just can't decide which side i want to jump to. Should i do honours? or not.

It is spring in melbourne now. No more botak trees, but apparently still nearly as cold as winter. singapore, on the other hand, is still a smelly oven. GAHHH...

Going to Bangkok in another 11 days! yipeeyay! am gonna literally shop til i drop and then come back with two suitcases of 80 cents t-shirts. but til then, i better do some really serious decluttering.

On to a different note, i just got a haircut a few days ago at Modele, after my mum destroyed it with her skillful trimming. It was quite alright initially, but now that it has grown out a little, it look like a giant piece of walnut and arghhh!!

so random.. ok back to report. so much for updating! haha.

posted at 3:50 PM by Felice

Saturday, September 02, 2006

mood bloated with a capital B

Transient. it makes me sick.

Gunardi came back from Germany for a one month holi so we had an unexpected mini class gathering today. The whole bunch of us went to Toni Romas to eat. It was great and i had a hell lot of food shoved down my belly. It's 1+ am now and i can still feel the meat and potatoes happily swimming in my gut. how to sleep like this?

on to a sadder note, ah pui died 3 days ago, and i still feel a bit lost. i am so attached to the animals i keep and ah pui really takes the cake. loved him to death, even though he was old, fat, and such a clumsy oaf of a hamster. He was old, even when rudy rescued him out of the pet shop. noone wanted him because he was the oldest and fattest of the lot. They used him as a test object when customers wanted to know if certain hamster toys could really fit a hamster in it. if ah pui could fit, every other hamsters surely could too. Still cant get it out of my head, the time when i found him dead. He was in his sleeping position looking so peaceful, and it was like a deja vu. When his fur started to turn grey and he moved visibly slowler and less alert, I had so many times found him sleeping soundly and had timidly poked him a bit while keeping my fingers crossed, just to see if he would wake. he always did, albeit sleepily with eyes half closed. But that day he stayed cold, and i just knew that he was gone. I hope there is a heaven for hamsters up there, so i can still have him as a pet when i go to heaven.

i have always had problems dealing with death. Maybe i am still in denial, or maybe i just have a greater capacity for bad news. In my mind, every single thought takes bloody long to get settled. But maybe the truth is that part of me just refused to believe. I have an invisible button that just wants to put everything on hold. When my auntie passed away, I was surprised at how calm i seemed to be. I teared and cried a little, but there was a void that refused to be filled. Even as i was staring at her face on the black and white photo, it just all didn't sink in. Now that i think about it, probably i was just hoping that it was a dream. some kind of a sick joke.

When i got the industrial attachment at brisbane i so badly wanted, somewhere along the chronological progression of events, i had thought to myself, that my auntie is gonna be so happy for me when she hears of it.

and then i remember.

Death is such a finality. It is so final that it is almost cruel. Death means that when you wake up tomorrow the one you wish to see would not be around anymore. not even the day after. and the week after. and the years after. Does that get to you?

Couples profess to love each other forever. But forever is such an overrated word. Do you really know what forever means? It is a darn long time.

As though there isn't enough morbidity in these couple of weeks, one of my dogs in bali died a week ago. I wasn't very close to him because he was an adopted pooch that my mum's friend could no longer take care of. But that day when ah pui died, i dreamt of him when i slept. I was sitting on the floor, and he came to my side and sat down. There was something very comforting about the routine, how he looked at me wanting to be stroked. And then i realised, that death disrupts my routine. They take me out of my comfort zone, and make me uncomfortable.

Life is so precious, and it is so transient. The magnitute of all these hit me too late. And it was only yesterday that i cried for all that is worth.

I took a look at the good ol' dictionary, and transient takes the following meaning:

1. staying only a short time: like the transient guests at a hotel. "
2. in mathematics, it is a function that tends to zero as the independent variable tends to infinity.

everything is transient. Life is. friendships are. love could be transient. everything that makes you happy could fall away even when you dont see it coming. transient is just a sick word, it is.

please, don't just stay for a short time. stay with me.


in loving memory.

posted at 1:10 AM by Felice

About Me



is a free spirit | is straight | loves to drink | but is a cheap drunk | loves travelling too much | lives for good food | wants to ride on a hot air balloon | hates ignorance | hates mediocrity | hates meaningless conversations | loves walking in the rain |

Indonesia, Singapore





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