mood in pain

I've got a gaping hole on my foot and I'm trying to blog.

Today while I was happily munching away on my pizza for dinner, a lady knocked on the front door looking for wayne. She wanted to ask him to sign some petitions for broadband to be introduced in the neighbourhood (i think they havent gotten down to digging through the rocks). I wanted to laugh when she said that, because in my mind I was thinking that other than broadband, somebody should also start a petition to introduce more friggin' buses into the neighbourhood that operates later than 6pm.

Anyway what I was trying to say is that, because wayne was in the shower, i was the one who ended up having to talk to her for a while, and as one thing leads to another, when i tried to make my way back to the house, because I was standing so close to the door which was ajar and dangled one step above the ground, the crook between my leg and the ball of my feet got caught at the base of the door and the sharp edge cut through my flesh at around 30 degree angle, leaving behind a very deep cut and a darn bloody mess.

It was not so much of the pain that bothered me but the image of all that blood and the little chunk of flesh dangling off my feet, and the tinge of blue under the skin that I could see. Damn, it was just too much. It immobilised me for a while and all I wanted to do was just sit there on the floor and make as much noise as I can to distract myself. But I didn't want maysan and wayne to think that I was a whiner so eventually I just went back to my room and kept as quiet as I can, all the while trying to stop myself from replaying that gory image over and over again.

Grarrghh I hate blood!!!!!! Even with that plaster on, the blood just wouldnt stop oozing out from the sides. GAHHHHH i think i'm going mad. I hate gore with a vengeance.

On to a lighter note, I read something very heart warming yesterday. Keiko I miss you!!! :)

Well, the hall experience has always been somewhat a dilemma because sometimes I cannot decide whether to think of it in a positive or negative light. While I had my share of obligatory commitments that I didn't enjoy and superficial people who only seek hall contributions, I had spent practically all of my undergraduate years being connected to hall, and every fond memory that I have is intertwined with hall in a love-hate kind of a relationship. And I would have probably wasted the past a year and a half cooping myself in my room and gritting my teeth through every single hall event, if not for Keiko. Keiko I miss cooking steamboat with you (then getting indigestion together). I miss nua-ing on your bed, munching pineapple tarts, mooncakes and buttery cookies, and those times when we drew on each other's faces with ten thousand layers of make up like there was no tomorrow. hahaha :) I wish you are here in Gold Coast with me!

Anyway, tomorrow is my last day of working in the production floor, and I am almost ecstatic about it. While it was a really eye-opening experience, two weeks is really quite sufficient. For the next two weeks I will be in the lab again, after which I will get some special tasks like new product development and traceability test or some sorts. No more standing on my feet for the whole day, no more brainless physical jobs that makes hours go *poof*.

Life here can be pretty mundane at times, but it is a really refreshing change nonetheless. Back when I was in Singapore, my head spins very fast everyday. My mind wanders off to a thousand unknown places, imagining scenarios, contemplating obligations, responsibilities, often lost in a hodgepodge of emotions that I had grown to believe is all that my mental capacity is worth. There was so much to think about! heaps of things demanding every bit of my attention! Reports to be written, exams to study for, bills to pay, errands to run, appointments to be kept, and deadlines strewn all over a 12-month calendar waiting to be met. And even while threading upon those thin little webs of safety nets that keep my sanity in place, I struggle to try to be just a little better. A better girlfriend, a better daughter, a better sister, and a better friend to those few who really matter.

I suppose throughout all these years I have been worn out, and as a result, instead of just striving harder and taking those steps that would elevate me above the woes of everyday living, I just turn away and sit somewhere safe, watching. Sometimes when things threaten to disrupt my comfort zone, instead of retaliating I just space out because it is so easy to do. It felt as though my mind and body were two separate entity and I was watching myself from somewhere high, speaking those words I didn't mean, wanting to love but ended up hurting, wanting to soar but ended up falling.

Gid used to say that I am an escapist, and I guess I can't deny that. I do take pleasure in getting time away from whatever that upsets me, because sometimes I just have to admit that I am not capable enough to sort them all out on my own. To me, time really does heal wounds. And those times that it doesn't, at least it eases those sore spots and makes things just a little more bearable. That said, I feel really blessed to be here, and I intend to make the most out of it. Gid, there is nothing to be upset about. Nothing is going to change. :)

Labels: aussie