Complicatedly simple, or simply complicated?


Thursday, June 28, 2007

Monday, 25/06/2007


mood crappy

Closure

As I'm typing this, I am a few hundred feet above the Indian Ocean. The roaring engine of the plane is drowning the cheesy tunes of Ben Lee reverberating through my ipod, and through the little oval of transparent plastic on my right, a bed of fluffy white clouds beneath me is all I see. I am confined to my tiny economy class seat, legs jammed together and elbows clamped to my side while all around me everyone else is lost in their own little world. It is during moments such as this, that I want to just close my eyes, imagine myself floating on a random cloud, and just forget everything.

In 3 hours I will be touching down in Singapore, and the reality of it is mentally knocking me out. I spent the past (and last) 3 days in Gold Coast somewhat in a daze, not knowing what to feel and how to act. Deep down I knew that it is time to go home, but a part of me just refused to acknowledge the fact that now that the time has finally come, the only right thing to do is really to let go.

Wayne dropped me off at the train station this morning on his way to work. I woke up early, and even though somewhat delirious from lack of sleep, I managed to pack up the last remaining bits and pieces of my life, give them a final shove into the suitcase and prepared myself to leave. But every little thing I did, right down to the mundane routine of opening the cupboard and turning off the tap, seemed to trigger off some sort of intense emotion. A knowing that every small routine act I had somewhat taken for granted in the past was going to be the last. The last morning shower, the last breakfast, the last flop on the couch, the last glance out the window, and the last walk down the hall. I felt absolutely crappy.

As the car started moving, with every house that we drove past and left behind, the feeling only intensified, and before I knew it, my face had grown hot and my visions were starting to blur.

In the train station as I waited for the train, I was a total wreck and a complete mess, all covered with tears and snot. I must have made quite a scene because an old lady who had seated herself opposite me actually tried to make some semblance of a conversation. Except that she was speaking with a mixture of curiosity and definitive tone that I wasn’t sure if she was asking me a question or making a statement. “You are sad. I can see that you are crying.” Then she made a crying motion and continued by saying, “You are going home?” And her two companions chipped in by throwing me a sympathetic look.

It cost me every fibre of my being just to will myself to stop crying. But it just wasn't happening. I was tearing all the way to the airport, and all the way to the boarding gate. Even when the plane started to gain momentum and I watched the ground going further from beneath me and the houses looking progressively smaller until they finally disappeared out of sight, I was digging deep into the abyss of my memories and replaying them one by one until I felt faint. Trying to savour every moment and imprint them into the deepest corner of my mind so that I would not forget. I felt like my head was going to explode.

Everyone loves an escapade, and noone likes going back to reality. The bills to pay, the assignments to finish, and parents breathing down your neck and piling responsibilities onto your back. But what can I say? The past 6 months have been a dream. It had been above and beyond what I asked for, and I cannot possibly feel more blessed that God has granted me the opportunity to write this beautiful chapter in my life. In the words of Green Day, I have had the time of my life. And like how the cliche saying goes, be thankful for the memories.

So that, is what I will do.




Time Of Your Life by Green Day

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

I hope you had the time of your life.


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posted at 7:43 AM by Felice







About Me

Felicia

23

is a free spirit | is straight | loves to drink | but is a cheap drunk | loves travelling too much | lives for good food | wants to ride on a hot air balloon | hates ignorance | hates mediocrity | hates meaningless conversations | loves walking in the rain |


Indonesia, Singapore


feliciadeanneATgmailDOTcom



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