Chaos within the calm.
It's ironic. Nowadays when I attempt to write something, the only thing I could write about would be on how I have nothing to write. I can churn out fancy reasons along with oxymoronic justifications for my constant state of mental constipation, but beyond that, I never seem to get past hello.
My life seems a little too organised of late. Every hour and every minute ticks away with a certain predictability and routine. While there is a certain comfort to it, it is also incredibly UN-happening, not to mention superbly brain-draining. For the past one week I have had a ridiculously healthy lifestyle. Waking up at 630am and sleeping at 12. Been trundling to lab at an ungodly hour of 830 am everyday. How do I know that is insane? I always had to get the key from the office because noone is there yet. HANG ON. Whoa that sounds incredibly geeky. Do not be deceived.
Mornings are always full of action. Fridays are mad-rush galore. By afternoon I feel like I have circled half the world and back, and I need to sit somewhere quiet and drink margarita. By 10 pm, my body is literally starting to shut down. By midnight, I turn into a pumpkin.
This morning my sister was telling me, she knows exactly how to tell whether she will be late for school or not, because on normal days, she will pass by this particular woman at this particular junction, at this particular time. And when she gets to the mrt, a particular train would have just left, yadda yadda, and the gist is that, every minute is just so darn predictable. It is crazy. If you think about it, routine is quite a sick thing. It somehow reduces us into an automated being, of which time is the controller.
For me, one good thing about this rare routinity, is that it creates some sort of compartmentalisation for my thoughts. A gentle confinement which puts them on a leash, reminding them to shut up. While I still look at life with a certain kind of sardonic humour, this semi-contained contemplation at least allowed me to realise that if I strain my eyes a little, the grass on this side is actually quite green.
Everyday is surreal. And that's the way I like it.
Anyway, it is with great jubilation that I hereby annouce, THE WEEKEND IS HERE!!! The time for pillow tossing and guiltless alarm-snoozing. :)
On another note, maybe R is right, everyone has an internal dialogue miscommunication once in a while.
Labels: emo, mumble jumbles